Answered Prayers
At the risk of whining I am going to write about the past few weeks. I need to record it for my own acknowledgment, and I think writing about it might be a little bit cathartic.
These past few weeks have been rough for me. I have gotten to the point with this pregnancy where I am done. I know I wanted to have a baby, and I know they need 40 weeks to grow and develop, and I know that before I went down this path I knew what I was getting myself into (this is my second child) but I am done. I have reached the point where physically and emotionally I need this to be over. I think the being done set in slowly, but about a week and a half ago I got sick. It started with an awful sore throat, continued with the sore throat and added no voice, and then the coughing started. This is when things really went downhill. With the coughing came no sleeping, no energy, and my mounting frustration. I think throwing Thanksgiving into the mix didn't help, but in a way it did because it meant that Brian was home for a long weekend, and he was so helpful, but by the time thanksgiving rolled around I was feeling sorry for myself, I was over it. And while I have been sick I have been very impatient with Michael, which has made me even more impatient because I wanted the last few weeks of just the three of us to be fun, I wanted to prep him, and do all the things we won't be able to do when we have a new baby, but we haven't because I have been hacking up my lungs. Yesterday, or maybe Friday, whatever day while I wasn't sleeping I decided to pray about this issue. It is a little bit ridiculous that it took me this long to get it together but I am hard headed. So around 3 in the morning I was praying to just please let me finish this out, and please give me some patience, any patience cause I was out... and I felt much better... would have been great if I had done this days before but I guess I had to wait until I was at the bottom. The next two weeks still seem tremendously long, and I am really not sure how we are going to make it through until the 16th but now I know we will be able to. So I am taking it one day at a time, ok one hour at a time. I am trying to be patient with Zach, and trying to appreciate the time I have left alone with Michael. And I am trying to remember that mothers all over the world carry their babies to term and have lives that are much harder than mine. I can suck it up. At the same time I am remembering I need to be a big girl (I am going to have 2 kids after all!) this has also been a great opportunity for me to remember that our Savior cares about the little things that matter to us and may seem dumb to other people. To others this "trial" may seem so insignificant, but to me these last few days it has been HUGE, it is wonderful that we have a Savior who is ever mindful of us, and is always available to help and lift our burdens if we ask and let him, wonderful, and wonderful to remember that especially this time of year.
On that same note, today in Relief Society (I can't believe I go to Relief Society, it has been years) we talked about spiritual and physical loneliness (I think). This lesson went hand in hand with my week. It was another good reminder to turn to my Heavenly Father when I have something I think is too big to handle, and a great reminder that other people have struggles too.
That leads to me to another thing, it is sorta on the same topic, but I had this realization earlier this week and it seems ungrateful not to record it, especially since it took... awhile to realize that it was an answer to some fervent prayers and is another example of how our Heavenly Father is ever mindful of us and our needs no matter how insignificant they may seem.
About 18 months ago we went to go visit some friends of ours from college. Back in college we were really close, we saw them most weekends, were at their wedding, the hospital hours after their first child was born, and even went with them to buy a toilet when theirs was growing a tree (or something equally strange). But after we moved from Utah and they moved from Utah we drifted apart, and that was hard for me. It was hard because they were great couple friends, and because we had been through a few things together it seemed like we were losing a piece of ourselves, our home, and our past. But I was realistic, we were growing up, they were growing up and it was natural that we would grow apart, especially as we lived very far away from each other. We went to visit them in their new city and they seemed so happy, and I was thrilled for them, but I left just a little bit sad that they had made so many friends. By this point we had been in Texas a couple years but hadn't made any great friends, we had friends, but there was a difference between many of our Utah friends and our Texas friends, and honestly there still is, but I think that has to more with the phase of life we are in now, and not the people. Anyway, when we first moved to Texas I had a hard time making friends. I didn't fit in with the girls in my ward because I didn't have kids, and after I did have Michael I didn't fit in particularly well with my work friends because I had a kid and didn't work, and by that point I felt like I had missed the boat on making friends at church. I am not super outgoing, so I am sure the people were all really nice, but I probably wasn't putting myself out there like I needed to. So we went to visit our friends and had a great weekend, but I came back a little bit sad, and determined it was time for me to try to make friends, even just one friend. I prayed about it, and nothing happened, but for several weeks I kept praying and even fasting about this particular issue. I was a little bit braver, but as expected these things don't happen overnight. Then my sister in law came to visit, she said there was a new family in our ward and that the mom was darling and I should totally be her friend. My sister in law is pretty smart, but that sounded a little bit too far outside my comfort zone, but I prayed about it, and for some reason ended up with her email. I sent her an email about something for primary and also mentioned my sister in law thought she was darling. Luckily, she was quirky enough that she didn't find that as pathetic as she should have, and responded. A few months later I met her again at the pool and we invited them back to swim, and that was pretty much the end. We have been great friends since (ok there was more to the story I am sure we weren't friends overnight), but as I was thinking about prayers that have been answered this is one I hadn't realized before (and as it is thanksgiving week I should probably be grateful). This was a huge thing for a me, it has been a great blessing in my life, and would not have happened if I hadn't have humbled myself enough to ask for help and then follow the Spirit. This might seem like such a small thing, I could have gone out and made friends, but for me the thought of having to do this was so overwhelming. I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves us, knows us, and is willing to help if we are willing to ask and follow his directions. Hopefully this will also serve as a reminder to me that if we move I should pray to make friends before we have lived there... years.
These past few weeks have been rough for me. I have gotten to the point with this pregnancy where I am done. I know I wanted to have a baby, and I know they need 40 weeks to grow and develop, and I know that before I went down this path I knew what I was getting myself into (this is my second child) but I am done. I have reached the point where physically and emotionally I need this to be over. I think the being done set in slowly, but about a week and a half ago I got sick. It started with an awful sore throat, continued with the sore throat and added no voice, and then the coughing started. This is when things really went downhill. With the coughing came no sleeping, no energy, and my mounting frustration. I think throwing Thanksgiving into the mix didn't help, but in a way it did because it meant that Brian was home for a long weekend, and he was so helpful, but by the time thanksgiving rolled around I was feeling sorry for myself, I was over it. And while I have been sick I have been very impatient with Michael, which has made me even more impatient because I wanted the last few weeks of just the three of us to be fun, I wanted to prep him, and do all the things we won't be able to do when we have a new baby, but we haven't because I have been hacking up my lungs. Yesterday, or maybe Friday, whatever day while I wasn't sleeping I decided to pray about this issue. It is a little bit ridiculous that it took me this long to get it together but I am hard headed. So around 3 in the morning I was praying to just please let me finish this out, and please give me some patience, any patience cause I was out... and I felt much better... would have been great if I had done this days before but I guess I had to wait until I was at the bottom. The next two weeks still seem tremendously long, and I am really not sure how we are going to make it through until the 16th but now I know we will be able to. So I am taking it one day at a time, ok one hour at a time. I am trying to be patient with Zach, and trying to appreciate the time I have left alone with Michael. And I am trying to remember that mothers all over the world carry their babies to term and have lives that are much harder than mine. I can suck it up. At the same time I am remembering I need to be a big girl (I am going to have 2 kids after all!) this has also been a great opportunity for me to remember that our Savior cares about the little things that matter to us and may seem dumb to other people. To others this "trial" may seem so insignificant, but to me these last few days it has been HUGE, it is wonderful that we have a Savior who is ever mindful of us, and is always available to help and lift our burdens if we ask and let him, wonderful, and wonderful to remember that especially this time of year.
On that same note, today in Relief Society (I can't believe I go to Relief Society, it has been years) we talked about spiritual and physical loneliness (I think). This lesson went hand in hand with my week. It was another good reminder to turn to my Heavenly Father when I have something I think is too big to handle, and a great reminder that other people have struggles too.
That leads to me to another thing, it is sorta on the same topic, but I had this realization earlier this week and it seems ungrateful not to record it, especially since it took... awhile to realize that it was an answer to some fervent prayers and is another example of how our Heavenly Father is ever mindful of us and our needs no matter how insignificant they may seem.
About 18 months ago we went to go visit some friends of ours from college. Back in college we were really close, we saw them most weekends, were at their wedding, the hospital hours after their first child was born, and even went with them to buy a toilet when theirs was growing a tree (or something equally strange). But after we moved from Utah and they moved from Utah we drifted apart, and that was hard for me. It was hard because they were great couple friends, and because we had been through a few things together it seemed like we were losing a piece of ourselves, our home, and our past. But I was realistic, we were growing up, they were growing up and it was natural that we would grow apart, especially as we lived very far away from each other. We went to visit them in their new city and they seemed so happy, and I was thrilled for them, but I left just a little bit sad that they had made so many friends. By this point we had been in Texas a couple years but hadn't made any great friends, we had friends, but there was a difference between many of our Utah friends and our Texas friends, and honestly there still is, but I think that has to more with the phase of life we are in now, and not the people. Anyway, when we first moved to Texas I had a hard time making friends. I didn't fit in with the girls in my ward because I didn't have kids, and after I did have Michael I didn't fit in particularly well with my work friends because I had a kid and didn't work, and by that point I felt like I had missed the boat on making friends at church. I am not super outgoing, so I am sure the people were all really nice, but I probably wasn't putting myself out there like I needed to. So we went to visit our friends and had a great weekend, but I came back a little bit sad, and determined it was time for me to try to make friends, even just one friend. I prayed about it, and nothing happened, but for several weeks I kept praying and even fasting about this particular issue. I was a little bit braver, but as expected these things don't happen overnight. Then my sister in law came to visit, she said there was a new family in our ward and that the mom was darling and I should totally be her friend. My sister in law is pretty smart, but that sounded a little bit too far outside my comfort zone, but I prayed about it, and for some reason ended up with her email. I sent her an email about something for primary and also mentioned my sister in law thought she was darling. Luckily, she was quirky enough that she didn't find that as pathetic as she should have, and responded. A few months later I met her again at the pool and we invited them back to swim, and that was pretty much the end. We have been great friends since (ok there was more to the story I am sure we weren't friends overnight), but as I was thinking about prayers that have been answered this is one I hadn't realized before (and as it is thanksgiving week I should probably be grateful). This was a huge thing for a me, it has been a great blessing in my life, and would not have happened if I hadn't have humbled myself enough to ask for help and then follow the Spirit. This might seem like such a small thing, I could have gone out and made friends, but for me the thought of having to do this was so overwhelming. I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves us, knows us, and is willing to help if we are willing to ask and follow his directions. Hopefully this will also serve as a reminder to me that if we move I should pray to make friends before we have lived there... years.
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