Second Time Around
Now that we are almost a week into life with Zach I thought it was time to record a few thoughts on the experience. I will blog about the birth later.
This "second time around" has been really interesting for me. I thought things would be a lot like the first time around, but they have been totally different. Not only has the experience been different but so has the child. So here are just some of the differences.
-first off, it took less time. I thought Zach's labor would be shorter, but I had no idea. Michael was born almost 22 hours after Pitocin was started, Zach was born almost exactly 4, hours after Pitocin was started, and would have been even less but they couldn't get the doctor there earlier. Also, with Michael they cranked up the Pitocin, it was as high as it could go, with Zach, not so much, it was on the lowest dose possible.
-the delivery was much much more painful. It maybe have had something to do with the epidural not working properly, something I didn't realize until it was too late, and really didn't realize until the stitches started. and the recovery... is going to be worse.
-it was so much easier to bond with Zach than with Michael. With Michael I didn't know what to expect. They say that you will automatically love your child, and I think I did, but I just wasn't sure what it meant to love your child as I hadn't had one before. With Michael I was so worried that I wouldn't love him enough, or that we wouldn't bond fast enough, or that something else would go wrong. With Zach I didn't worry. By that point I knew what it was like to love my own child, and I knew I would love him. When I finally held Zach it was like something clicked, with Michael I was waiting to figure out what to do, but with Zach I just knew and that was great.
-When I had Michael I wanted him to spend as much time as possible in the nursery. It wasn't that I didn't want to be with him, I just thought the nurses knew better about what to do with him than I did, I was so nervous to be left alone with him, so afraid I would break him. With Zach I felt confident in my abilities and kept him most of the time. The nursery was constantly checking to see if they could take him and I was less than cooperative. They took him for his necessary checks, but other than that he stayed with me. Future children might be sent to the nursery more, but I wanted to hold and cuddle him. It was nice to have that time just the two of us before we went home.
-this time around I am just less nervous in general. I know it is unlikely that I am going to break Zach, so that knowledge alone has given me more confidence We can handle baths, diapers, etc
-I am trying to enjoy the newborn stage this time around. I think that because there is such a difference in the two boys the entire experience is strangely new and different. Michael was not a laid back newborn. He isn't a laid back 2 year old to be honest. He wasn't difficult per say he was just busy. He seemed to be afraid to miss something, his eyes were always open, always looking. He didn't especially like to sit and just be cuddled, he wanted you to bounce him, walk with him, and see the world. In a way my personality is like that, I don't like to just sit, and I think we just fed off each other, especially in those first weeks. I was wound so tight and so was he (he still is). Zach is a bit less like that. He is perfectly happy to sit and sleep in your arms... for hours. As long as someone is holding him he is thrilled... not so thrilled to be put down. oh and did I mention he sleeps... yeah I did, but I am just so amazed that babies sleep. People have reassured me that this is normal... but I am going to be honest it is still unnerving to me that not only does he sleep but it doenst take hours and hours to get him to sleep for 20 minutes. This calm demeanor and willingness to sleep has made for a totally different experience. It has forced me to sit and just cuddle him, and that has been great. While I don't like to cuddle other people's kids (I know I am strange, I don't know why) I do like to cuddle my own, and having a cuddly baby is so fun. He is just so sweet and content.
-I am letting stuff go this time. Not that many things, but I am trying to let things go. My house will be a disaster, there will be spots on my couch (agh!), the bathrooms won't be cleaned for a bit, the beds wont be made, make up- what's that? but life is good. It is ok, it will get worse before it gets better, and how clean my floor is really doenst matter at this moment.
-this time around I am trying to take it easy. I am not good at taking it easy. In the last 3 days I have taken one nap so clearly failing at that, but I have slowed my normal routine considerably. I have worn my pi's most of the day (i change into clean ones in the morning). I have taken the pain medication this time, I have let people bring me dinner (which has been so nice and I am so grateful for their kindness), I let Michael watch a movie, let Brian be in charge, and just tried to breathe through things not going exactly my way. I think this is helping with the recovery. We have a long road ahead of us, but I think this is a much better way to go about it than last time when I pretended I didn't just have a baby. My sister arrives in a few minutes, and I am so excited to see her, not just because I haven't seen her in months, but also because I know she will take charge and I can continue to recover. Brian has done an awesome job this week, but he has to go back to work on Monday, so I am so so so so so so so so grateful Emily is going to be here.
This "second time around" has been really interesting for me. I thought things would be a lot like the first time around, but they have been totally different. Not only has the experience been different but so has the child. So here are just some of the differences.
-first off, it took less time. I thought Zach's labor would be shorter, but I had no idea. Michael was born almost 22 hours after Pitocin was started, Zach was born almost exactly 4, hours after Pitocin was started, and would have been even less but they couldn't get the doctor there earlier. Also, with Michael they cranked up the Pitocin, it was as high as it could go, with Zach, not so much, it was on the lowest dose possible.
-the delivery was much much more painful. It maybe have had something to do with the epidural not working properly, something I didn't realize until it was too late, and really didn't realize until the stitches started. and the recovery... is going to be worse.
-it was so much easier to bond with Zach than with Michael. With Michael I didn't know what to expect. They say that you will automatically love your child, and I think I did, but I just wasn't sure what it meant to love your child as I hadn't had one before. With Michael I was so worried that I wouldn't love him enough, or that we wouldn't bond fast enough, or that something else would go wrong. With Zach I didn't worry. By that point I knew what it was like to love my own child, and I knew I would love him. When I finally held Zach it was like something clicked, with Michael I was waiting to figure out what to do, but with Zach I just knew and that was great.
-When I had Michael I wanted him to spend as much time as possible in the nursery. It wasn't that I didn't want to be with him, I just thought the nurses knew better about what to do with him than I did, I was so nervous to be left alone with him, so afraid I would break him. With Zach I felt confident in my abilities and kept him most of the time. The nursery was constantly checking to see if they could take him and I was less than cooperative. They took him for his necessary checks, but other than that he stayed with me. Future children might be sent to the nursery more, but I wanted to hold and cuddle him. It was nice to have that time just the two of us before we went home.
-this time around I am just less nervous in general. I know it is unlikely that I am going to break Zach, so that knowledge alone has given me more confidence We can handle baths, diapers, etc
-I am trying to enjoy the newborn stage this time around. I think that because there is such a difference in the two boys the entire experience is strangely new and different. Michael was not a laid back newborn. He isn't a laid back 2 year old to be honest. He wasn't difficult per say he was just busy. He seemed to be afraid to miss something, his eyes were always open, always looking. He didn't especially like to sit and just be cuddled, he wanted you to bounce him, walk with him, and see the world. In a way my personality is like that, I don't like to just sit, and I think we just fed off each other, especially in those first weeks. I was wound so tight and so was he (he still is). Zach is a bit less like that. He is perfectly happy to sit and sleep in your arms... for hours. As long as someone is holding him he is thrilled... not so thrilled to be put down. oh and did I mention he sleeps... yeah I did, but I am just so amazed that babies sleep. People have reassured me that this is normal... but I am going to be honest it is still unnerving to me that not only does he sleep but it doenst take hours and hours to get him to sleep for 20 minutes. This calm demeanor and willingness to sleep has made for a totally different experience. It has forced me to sit and just cuddle him, and that has been great. While I don't like to cuddle other people's kids (I know I am strange, I don't know why) I do like to cuddle my own, and having a cuddly baby is so fun. He is just so sweet and content.-I am letting stuff go this time. Not that many things, but I am trying to let things go. My house will be a disaster, there will be spots on my couch (agh!), the bathrooms won't be cleaned for a bit, the beds wont be made, make up- what's that? but life is good. It is ok, it will get worse before it gets better, and how clean my floor is really doenst matter at this moment.
-this time around I am trying to take it easy. I am not good at taking it easy. In the last 3 days I have taken one nap so clearly failing at that, but I have slowed my normal routine considerably. I have worn my pi's most of the day (i change into clean ones in the morning). I have taken the pain medication this time, I have let people bring me dinner (which has been so nice and I am so grateful for their kindness), I let Michael watch a movie, let Brian be in charge, and just tried to breathe through things not going exactly my way. I think this is helping with the recovery. We have a long road ahead of us, but I think this is a much better way to go about it than last time when I pretended I didn't just have a baby. My sister arrives in a few minutes, and I am so excited to see her, not just because I haven't seen her in months, but also because I know she will take charge and I can continue to recover. Brian has done an awesome job this week, but he has to go back to work on Monday, so I am so so so so so so so so grateful Emily is going to be here.
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