Bullies
I have a question about bullies. This is a serious question, I am torn here. What do you do when you child is bullied by another child their age/size. I don't want Michael to beat on other kids, and I don't want to teach him that hitting is the answer but in a few situations I have wanted him to just wind up and hit a kid.
Because Michael spends his life with adults, or mostly with adults he thinks that conflicts should be solved with words, and this works great... if you are trying to solve a conflict with someone over the age of 6. When a child steals his toy, snack, book, or hits him generally he responds with something like this "Please don't do that, I don't like it when you ____." If that doesn't work he will scream something like "STOP DOING THAT!". But let's be honest sometimes when dealing with other 2 year olds yelling or asking nicely results in a blank expression and then continued hitting/bitting/pushing/kicking etc. I know he does it partially because that is his personality and partially because when he gets upset and hits/kicks/bites us we say something like "Let's try that again, say "Mommy when you do that it makes me feel _____, please don't do that."" I get that it is my fault, I mean what 2 year old verbalizes their feelings like that, I am projecting grown up dialogue on the poor kid.
So back to the bullying. Well no, another tangent. I should say that Michael is not a little kid. He has thinned out considerably and now he is becoming thin(ner) (his tummy is gone!), but he is a good 2-5 inches taller than most of the kids his age, and I am slightly afraid that if we teach him to fight back he will hurt another kid, he is big, what two year old stands a chance against him! Ok so there are kids bigger than he is, and kids that are definitely more aggressive that he is, because he isn't that aggressive, but I am a bit nervous about the size issue. Also he hits hard. Few people have gotten to experience it, but let me tell you if he wants to hit you he will leave a mark.
So now to the bullying. How do I teach him that sometimes it is ok to fight back, because I think sometimes it is ok. I know some of it will come naturally from fighting with his brother, and given that they are going to be 2 1/2 years apart I am sure there will be lots of fighting and wrestling, even trips to the emergency room in our not so distant future. But until that point (given that his brother still has 11 days until he is born) what do I do. I had a long talk with him tonight and we talked about how when kids hit you first you need to tell a grown up, but then if they continue you just need to hit them back. Maybe not my best parenting advice but in some situations I think we have reached that point. Today at the park one little kid, who admittedly is significantly more aggressive than Michael pushed him down and hit him over and over while he was down until the other mom and I ran over and stopped him (I run slow these days). Michael was hysterical, he was hurt, but he was also confused why his friend was punching him. While I want him to tell the kid to stop, I also want him to just shove the kid, I think that would solve the problem... no I really do think if he hit this kid a few times it would be over.
So advice, what do you do? At what point do you encourage your kid to fight back? Or what do you tell your kids to do?
Because Michael spends his life with adults, or mostly with adults he thinks that conflicts should be solved with words, and this works great... if you are trying to solve a conflict with someone over the age of 6. When a child steals his toy, snack, book, or hits him generally he responds with something like this "Please don't do that, I don't like it when you ____." If that doesn't work he will scream something like "STOP DOING THAT!". But let's be honest sometimes when dealing with other 2 year olds yelling or asking nicely results in a blank expression and then continued hitting/bitting/pushing/kicking etc. I know he does it partially because that is his personality and partially because when he gets upset and hits/kicks/bites us we say something like "Let's try that again, say "Mommy when you do that it makes me feel _____, please don't do that."" I get that it is my fault, I mean what 2 year old verbalizes their feelings like that, I am projecting grown up dialogue on the poor kid.
So back to the bullying. Well no, another tangent. I should say that Michael is not a little kid. He has thinned out considerably and now he is becoming thin(ner) (his tummy is gone!), but he is a good 2-5 inches taller than most of the kids his age, and I am slightly afraid that if we teach him to fight back he will hurt another kid, he is big, what two year old stands a chance against him! Ok so there are kids bigger than he is, and kids that are definitely more aggressive that he is, because he isn't that aggressive, but I am a bit nervous about the size issue. Also he hits hard. Few people have gotten to experience it, but let me tell you if he wants to hit you he will leave a mark.
So now to the bullying. How do I teach him that sometimes it is ok to fight back, because I think sometimes it is ok. I know some of it will come naturally from fighting with his brother, and given that they are going to be 2 1/2 years apart I am sure there will be lots of fighting and wrestling, even trips to the emergency room in our not so distant future. But until that point (given that his brother still has 11 days until he is born) what do I do. I had a long talk with him tonight and we talked about how when kids hit you first you need to tell a grown up, but then if they continue you just need to hit them back. Maybe not my best parenting advice but in some situations I think we have reached that point. Today at the park one little kid, who admittedly is significantly more aggressive than Michael pushed him down and hit him over and over while he was down until the other mom and I ran over and stopped him (I run slow these days). Michael was hysterical, he was hurt, but he was also confused why his friend was punching him. While I want him to tell the kid to stop, I also want him to just shove the kid, I think that would solve the problem... no I really do think if he hit this kid a few times it would be over.
So advice, what do you do? At what point do you encourage your kid to fight back? Or what do you tell your kids to do?
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