Mom Guilt and Mom Venting
Ok so it's time for a little bit of venting and Mom guilt, please feel free to stop reading, as this is a "journal" I might as well write about it so someday (you know when all my kids can do things for themselves) I can look back and laugh (that painful kind of laugh).
Ok so here's the deal, I have quite a bit of Mom guilt lately. I've become a yelling mom, ask my sister, this has not been my finest week- yelling might be too kind a word, let's go with screaming. I want to enjoy my kids (the older two) but lately it is... well tough. I know we all go through seasons in our lives, but this season isn't my favorite (sorta like summer... I mean really who likes months of triple digits? yep no one). It seems like from the moment they wake up until the moment they fall asleep they are screaming at each other, fighting (this has gotten out of control), demanding something, or making a mess. I feel like a hamster on a wheel (cue the Fountains of Wayne song) it's like they wait until I clean something up to destroy it. I know they're kids and I want them to have a great childhood, but I want to like them too sometimes. There's no gratitude, no kindness, just demanding... all the time. Actually the younger one is better, but the older one... I dont know what to say, he does NOT listen and he is always looking out of number one and only number one-empathy and compassion have gone by the wayside the last few months. We are to the point where he knows he isn't listening and he just does.not.care. Let's give an example (because some day I will give him a copy of this blog, and someday his sweet and very patient wife will be tearing her hair out with a child just like him). Today we went to Chick-Fil-A with some friends. If you have never been to Chick-Fil-A (then you live under a rock) they are all always very busy and the parking lot is dangerous. Before we left the restaurant I told Michael I needed him to hold Zach's hand in the parking lot (you have to walk through the drive thru line, who designed that?) until we got to the car and opened the door. I made him repeat it back to me for fear he wouldn't remember, he did, it seemed to sink in. He held Zach's hand through the restaurant, and then we got outside, stepped into the traffic and he let go of Zach's hand and starts running in the OPPOSITE direction from the car. At this point Zach (who is now free) runs in the other direction. I try and grab him but I have Grace and her 10,000 pound baby carrier, their drinks and food, and the diaper bag. When I finally corral them in the car I ask Michael why he did it even though he knew he was supposed to hold on to Zach and he said "I saw something interesting and I just wanted to." I was speechless, oh and shaking with anger at that point. Then... yes another example is needed because dear sweet son it has been a very very long 5 years and some day you will have a child like yourself. We got our Chick-Fil-A lunch and brought it home, because let's be honest while they like the chicken they really love the play place. Michael was sitting at the island eating, but he was turned around covering the floor with his food- how he is such a sloppy eater is beyond me. When I asked him to turn around he said "no Mom you can just sweep"... I hope your ears are ringing and you're seeing red, because after our morning I was done (this is where the screaming came in). He had a 90 minute time out.. it was lovely, ok it was "nap time" but I felt better thinking it was a time out instead of an every day activity. So I'm not loving mom life lately. Brian has been out of town this week and I keep sending him texts that say things like "I want to get a job and a nanny" and I think I really do. I really really do want someone else to be in charge for the next three weeks, I think things are going to take a turn for the better when Founders Classical Academy takes a turn every day.
But back to the mom guilt I do feel guilty for not currently wanting to be with them. I've decided that trying to feed them "makes me lose the will to live", it's messy, not appreciated, and so irritating to try and get them to eat when they just won't. This week (as Brian was gone) we've given up on cooking, interestingly they seem to enjoy grilled cheese sandwiches and no vegetables significantly more than a home cooked and well prepared meal. Yep, it's great.
I had grand plans of teaching Michael to read and potty training Zach this summer. Neither have happened, not because they couldn't but because I do not have the motivation to do it. It turns out that both these activities require quite a bit of individual attention... something that is slightly complicated with three kids 5 and under. Potty training Zach is terrible, it's like squeezing water from a rock, he will sit on the toilet but you cannot make someone pee. He will pee for Brian, but he screams (so I'm pretty sure our neighbors can hear) that he "wants Daddy!". He will pee two drops and then pee his pants 20 minutes later, and he is ok with that. And the reading, all school work starts with "Mom, you know I already know that..." so we've sorta given up on both. I went and bought pull-ups- let's be honest we are both happier with that option and we will get back to that when school starts- he knows when he needs to go and that he should go in the potty and he can do it (pants up and down and all) but he won't... and before you say "you just need the right motivation" let me just say we've tried just about everything, some people are motivated by outside factors and some aren't, he falls firmly in the "aren't" camp, cookies were fun for a few days until he didn't like them anymore, so was candy, and he told me he has enough toys... so there's that. And I'm pretending that me reading aloud is the same as Michael reading- we've gotten through three chapter books since June. So... I guess 12 year olds rarely wear pull-ups by choice, and in a few weeks Ms. D is going to teach my rebellious 5 year old to suck it up and that he doesn't know everything... that's going to be fun.
So if you call us or see us at the store and we seem grumpy... we are. We are grumpy, we are counting the days until school and yep there's that. But on a completely positive note... Grace... oh my heavens that girl is amazing. I know she will have the same issues her brothers do, but for now she is just sweet, and chubby, and learning to smile, and wow, yep that's about all I can say is wow (read Lily's purple plastic purse to understand that quote better).
Ok so here's the deal, I have quite a bit of Mom guilt lately. I've become a yelling mom, ask my sister, this has not been my finest week- yelling might be too kind a word, let's go with screaming. I want to enjoy my kids (the older two) but lately it is... well tough. I know we all go through seasons in our lives, but this season isn't my favorite (sorta like summer... I mean really who likes months of triple digits? yep no one). It seems like from the moment they wake up until the moment they fall asleep they are screaming at each other, fighting (this has gotten out of control), demanding something, or making a mess. I feel like a hamster on a wheel (cue the Fountains of Wayne song) it's like they wait until I clean something up to destroy it. I know they're kids and I want them to have a great childhood, but I want to like them too sometimes. There's no gratitude, no kindness, just demanding... all the time. Actually the younger one is better, but the older one... I dont know what to say, he does NOT listen and he is always looking out of number one and only number one-empathy and compassion have gone by the wayside the last few months. We are to the point where he knows he isn't listening and he just does.not.care. Let's give an example (because some day I will give him a copy of this blog, and someday his sweet and very patient wife will be tearing her hair out with a child just like him). Today we went to Chick-Fil-A with some friends. If you have never been to Chick-Fil-A (then you live under a rock) they are all always very busy and the parking lot is dangerous. Before we left the restaurant I told Michael I needed him to hold Zach's hand in the parking lot (you have to walk through the drive thru line, who designed that?) until we got to the car and opened the door. I made him repeat it back to me for fear he wouldn't remember, he did, it seemed to sink in. He held Zach's hand through the restaurant, and then we got outside, stepped into the traffic and he let go of Zach's hand and starts running in the OPPOSITE direction from the car. At this point Zach (who is now free) runs in the other direction. I try and grab him but I have Grace and her 10,000 pound baby carrier, their drinks and food, and the diaper bag. When I finally corral them in the car I ask Michael why he did it even though he knew he was supposed to hold on to Zach and he said "I saw something interesting and I just wanted to." I was speechless, oh and shaking with anger at that point. Then... yes another example is needed because dear sweet son it has been a very very long 5 years and some day you will have a child like yourself. We got our Chick-Fil-A lunch and brought it home, because let's be honest while they like the chicken they really love the play place. Michael was sitting at the island eating, but he was turned around covering the floor with his food- how he is such a sloppy eater is beyond me. When I asked him to turn around he said "no Mom you can just sweep"... I hope your ears are ringing and you're seeing red, because after our morning I was done (this is where the screaming came in). He had a 90 minute time out.. it was lovely, ok it was "nap time" but I felt better thinking it was a time out instead of an every day activity. So I'm not loving mom life lately. Brian has been out of town this week and I keep sending him texts that say things like "I want to get a job and a nanny" and I think I really do. I really really do want someone else to be in charge for the next three weeks, I think things are going to take a turn for the better when Founders Classical Academy takes a turn every day.
But back to the mom guilt I do feel guilty for not currently wanting to be with them. I've decided that trying to feed them "makes me lose the will to live", it's messy, not appreciated, and so irritating to try and get them to eat when they just won't. This week (as Brian was gone) we've given up on cooking, interestingly they seem to enjoy grilled cheese sandwiches and no vegetables significantly more than a home cooked and well prepared meal. Yep, it's great.
I had grand plans of teaching Michael to read and potty training Zach this summer. Neither have happened, not because they couldn't but because I do not have the motivation to do it. It turns out that both these activities require quite a bit of individual attention... something that is slightly complicated with three kids 5 and under. Potty training Zach is terrible, it's like squeezing water from a rock, he will sit on the toilet but you cannot make someone pee. He will pee for Brian, but he screams (so I'm pretty sure our neighbors can hear) that he "wants Daddy!". He will pee two drops and then pee his pants 20 minutes later, and he is ok with that. And the reading, all school work starts with "Mom, you know I already know that..." so we've sorta given up on both. I went and bought pull-ups- let's be honest we are both happier with that option and we will get back to that when school starts- he knows when he needs to go and that he should go in the potty and he can do it (pants up and down and all) but he won't... and before you say "you just need the right motivation" let me just say we've tried just about everything, some people are motivated by outside factors and some aren't, he falls firmly in the "aren't" camp, cookies were fun for a few days until he didn't like them anymore, so was candy, and he told me he has enough toys... so there's that. And I'm pretending that me reading aloud is the same as Michael reading- we've gotten through three chapter books since June. So... I guess 12 year olds rarely wear pull-ups by choice, and in a few weeks Ms. D is going to teach my rebellious 5 year old to suck it up and that he doesn't know everything... that's going to be fun.
So if you call us or see us at the store and we seem grumpy... we are. We are grumpy, we are counting the days until school and yep there's that. But on a completely positive note... Grace... oh my heavens that girl is amazing. I know she will have the same issues her brothers do, but for now she is just sweet, and chubby, and learning to smile, and wow, yep that's about all I can say is wow (read Lily's purple plastic purse to understand that quote better).
She is so adorable. (Focus on that!) :)
ReplyDeleteAsh! Oh how I've been there far too many times the past 11 years of motherhood. The greatest advice I heard was from Elder Christofferson. He said, a few things and then said "Overtime" things get easier. When I start feeling completely overwhelmed, discouraged, and just plain want to give up. I try to remind myself that time does pass, and as I've learned over the past 11 years. It only gets better. Somehow throught the heartache and complete discouraging days, it does get difficult in different ways. And yet so rewarding because the little kids like Mikey turn out pretty much amazing! Hang on to that thought, he's becoming amazing! You are the best mom I know!!! You're doing everything right!!! Love you tons!!!! Welcome to the crazytown!
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