Living the Dream (or so to speak)
Yesterday, my sister sent me an article that compared the unrealistic "mommy" photos posted on social media to pornography. I think the comparison may be a bit extreme but the idea is interesting. The article/post explains how by looking at these photos and posts that depict a picture perfect life we develop unrealistic expectations for our own lives. It explained how consuming these images leads us to believe that they show real life and real people, instead of posed snapshots of someone's life. It goes on to explain how this media consumption can lead us to be unhappy with our own lives. I have to admit I've been guilty of this- if you're female you totally have been too. Sometimes I see those picture perfect Instagram photos and think "What the heck?! Why aren't we having fun like too!" When I see these images I forget that (most) people don't take photos of their messes, the burned dinners, the overflowing laundry room, or the bathrooms that unfortunately do not clean themselves. When I see these images sometimes I forget that people have help, different priorities and expectations, and that even the most perfect family really isn't perfect.
I follow someone on Instagram that posts A LOT, I mean like 8 times a day, and every post is so positive- she's playing with her kids, on a date with her husband, everyone is just so happy in all the pictures. I was talking to Brian about it and as he half listened he said "it's probably not always like that" Honestly that didn't make me feel better. For months I've been wondering what she is doing so right and what I am doing so wrong, and then I saw her in person (ok I've seen her in person before too, I actually know her) and it clicked- she's only posting the good stuff. The two times I've observed her lately have been from a distance (no I'm not a stalker) and in both cases the kids were being naughty, she was frustrated, these moments didn't make it on Instagram. I am ashamed to say I breathed a sigh of relief, I thought to myself "ok if she gets frustrated too then it's ok, sometimes life is frustrating!"
But you've seen the pictures and met the people, I'm pretty sure I always see the "perfect" people on my worst days, on the days when I have all three at a store and one or more are SCREAMING. inevitably these are the days I see the perfect people as they walk serenely down the aisles with their perfect children (or none because theyre at school). These are the days I want to melt into the sidewalk, wear a hat, or hide, but no, these are the people that my kids scream out "MOMMY DOESNT SHE GO TO OUR CHURCH!!!". Yes child, I want to talk to this person covered in your food and snot while your sibling(s) scream. But on the other hand I have a friend that is just amazing. You could see her on your worst vomit covered, no shower, bad parenting day and she won't judge you, you wouldnt need to melt into the sidewalk- she'd probably offer to take you to chick fil a until you calm down. These are the people I wish we held in high esteem. She's awesome, so talented and caring, but she's not crafty, she doesn't photograph every moment of her life, and she doesn't have a mommy blog. I have some other friends like this, there are days when my kids are...well the worst, and I am the worst meanest mom to match them, and I'm convinced we shouldn't go out in public. And yet we do, and everyone lives, and the judgement is limited- again no need to melt into the sidewalk...
Sometimes (like always) I'm pretty sure I'm failing as a parent. I get frustrated to easily, I spend more time cleaning the perpetual mess than playing, the first words out of my mouth aren't "you're the best kid ever!" but instead something like "please dont make a mess!". I'm pretty worried that when my kids look back on their childhoods they will remember the yelling and the broccoli and that we weren't fun enough and not that we tried to make things fun for them. I'm worried they will say "our house was ALWAYS a mess, and my mom was always tired and yelling." I mean who the heck knows what they're going to say, maybe they havent noticed the mess or the yelling. They sure as heck have noticed the vegetables but i think that's just something they are going to have to get over.
I follow someone on Instagram that posts A LOT, I mean like 8 times a day, and every post is so positive- she's playing with her kids, on a date with her husband, everyone is just so happy in all the pictures. I was talking to Brian about it and as he half listened he said "it's probably not always like that" Honestly that didn't make me feel better. For months I've been wondering what she is doing so right and what I am doing so wrong, and then I saw her in person (ok I've seen her in person before too, I actually know her) and it clicked- she's only posting the good stuff. The two times I've observed her lately have been from a distance (no I'm not a stalker) and in both cases the kids were being naughty, she was frustrated, these moments didn't make it on Instagram. I am ashamed to say I breathed a sigh of relief, I thought to myself "ok if she gets frustrated too then it's ok, sometimes life is frustrating!"
But you've seen the pictures and met the people, I'm pretty sure I always see the "perfect" people on my worst days, on the days when I have all three at a store and one or more are SCREAMING. inevitably these are the days I see the perfect people as they walk serenely down the aisles with their perfect children (or none because theyre at school). These are the days I want to melt into the sidewalk, wear a hat, or hide, but no, these are the people that my kids scream out "MOMMY DOESNT SHE GO TO OUR CHURCH!!!". Yes child, I want to talk to this person covered in your food and snot while your sibling(s) scream. But on the other hand I have a friend that is just amazing. You could see her on your worst vomit covered, no shower, bad parenting day and she won't judge you, you wouldnt need to melt into the sidewalk- she'd probably offer to take you to chick fil a until you calm down. These are the people I wish we held in high esteem. She's awesome, so talented and caring, but she's not crafty, she doesn't photograph every moment of her life, and she doesn't have a mommy blog. I have some other friends like this, there are days when my kids are...well the worst, and I am the worst meanest mom to match them, and I'm convinced we shouldn't go out in public. And yet we do, and everyone lives, and the judgement is limited- again no need to melt into the sidewalk...
Sometimes (like always) I'm pretty sure I'm failing as a parent. I get frustrated to easily, I spend more time cleaning the perpetual mess than playing, the first words out of my mouth aren't "you're the best kid ever!" but instead something like "please dont make a mess!". I'm pretty worried that when my kids look back on their childhoods they will remember the yelling and the broccoli and that we weren't fun enough and not that we tried to make things fun for them. I'm worried they will say "our house was ALWAYS a mess, and my mom was always tired and yelling." I mean who the heck knows what they're going to say, maybe they havent noticed the mess or the yelling. They sure as heck have noticed the vegetables but i think that's just something they are going to have to get over.
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