Seriously?

Sometimes being a parent is rough. And by sometimes, clearly I mean always. It is a strange experience to be simultaneously confused and terrible at something at the same time while never being relieved of your duties. If I was as terrible at everything as I am at being a parent I would be fired,  released, etc. But this... no this job you get to keep doing despite your failures. If you've seen my boys lately you know they don't listen. It's actually to the point that I am unsure they hear my voice. It's like the background noise the refrigerator makes, you don't notice that it makes a sound until that one day when the power goes out and everything spoils. Something like that.

Yesterday at church was particularly great. And by great I mean terrible. I'm just going to throw this out there, please don't think I am an awful person (ok 30 year Grace don't judge) but I hate church with my children. I mean really really hate it. It is torture. We leave with semi misbehaving kids and by the time we arrive we have demons. Zach is the worst. I'm pretty convinced he's actually the worst kid in the chapel, but I could be wrong. He's loud, will not listen, all over the place, and just terrible. Michael is ok, but why behave when your brother is losing his crap and both your parents look like they might cry. And then there's Grace, perfect Grace who recently discovered her voice and like her brothers, loves to use it... and has one volume. So yesterday, Sacrament meeting went pretty badly and I was sitting in the mother's room during second hour, a whole other story but let's say that Grace thinks she must nap during that time and will not go into Sunday School. So Grace and I were sitting in the mother's room for the 5th or 6th week in a row, and I pulled out my phone to read one of the Relief Society lessons and the title was Cultivating an Attitude of Happiness and a Spirit of Optimism. Talk about a come to Jesus moment. So I read the lesson, and loved it, and felt terrible for my bad attitude. But several quotes stuck with me and one is going to put on the wall, because I need this reminder daily, maybe hourly.

"Be believing. Be happy. Don't get discouraged. Things will work out."

What a wonderful reminder to just chill. Especially on a week where things did not work out. This was an extremely busy week, one that was rudely interrupted with sickness. Very few things that needed to get done were completed, or completed well. I spent several days so frustrated that no one would listen to me, we instituted spankings (didnt work in the slightest, they actually found these comical). I lay in bed multiple nights wondering what the heck was wrong, why were things going so badly. But in truth they werent. Deadlines can be extended,  and some things might not matter as much as I thought. So I'm gonna take a deep breath and try and enjoy the boys now, because they wont be little forever, and they wont like me forever, and as long as we make it through this alive they might eventually listen to me... maybe... probably not.