Dear Solicitors

We have had quite a few solicitors in our neighborhood lately. They have been selling everything from internet to pest control. We have also had a few "crusaders" out to save the environment. As while I'm happy for all these people that they are out and about I want to scream at them. They just won't leave, and because we have a glass front door we can't politely pretend not to be home... they can see us. We've have two great experiences lately. One was with some guys trying to change our internet provider. Michael was in the middle of getting dressed and was naked. He was hiding behind the door... the entirely glass front door. The guys were trying to avert their eyes but he was dancing and then screaming, and then trying to get out so it was distracting. Eventually they gave up, said "you seem to have your hands full" and left.... I have a naked 3 year old... yeah I'm a little busy. The second one was a girls collecting donations for a save the environment thing (I can't remember exactly what). I tried to tell her no thanks, but finally I said "my husband hates the environment" This isn't exactly true- he just won't be donating money to fix it anytime soon... or ever. She looked appalled and said "I'm so sorry, but you can make an anonymous donation". I politely told her we don't keep secrets like that from each other and I don't want to possibly create a rift because of a secret and dishonest donation... she looked at me like I was a crazy person, at which point I said have a nice day and quickly shut the door- It had been 15 minutes, no donations were coming for her. I wish I could post this on my door- I guess i could but who is going to read it.

Dear Solicitors,

I want to start by saying I know you are trying to make a living or increase awareness for a noble cause. Your intentions are probably good, and my grumpiness may be unwarranted, but listen up. Stop coming by my house between 5:15pm and 6:30pm. I know you drop by during this time because lots of people are there... here's a hint, we aren't waiting in our house for you, we are busy! This isn't the best time to have a chat about my internet provider or my thoughts on the environment. Here's another hint, when I come to the door holding cooking utensils, wearing an apron, and you can hear the slow meltdown to bedtime just leave. Don't chat it up, then tell me what you are doing, try to get me to make another appointment or worse yet a donation. I don't care what you are selling or trying to save. When I seem disinterested, short, or try and hand you back your clipboard kindly just take it and move on. When I tell you my neighbors might be more receptive, take it as a gentle hint to leave! When you hear two kids crying, don't talk louder, just go. Clearly at that moment I'm not interested in saving the whales, polar bears, killing every bug within 500 yards of my house, or changing internet providers. Also, don't make a statement and say "is that something you agree with?" to be honest with you at that point I will gladly agree with pretty much whatever as long as I don't have to sign anything, take anything, or give you money- I just want you to leave.

Have a wonderful day, best of luck with your cause/product.
an irritated mom