Why Don't We Tell Them?

I recently read a blogpost from one of my former professors. In it she expressed her frustration about how we often tell our young women and girls that if they do everything right and are obedient they will find and marry prince charming and live out the remainder of their days in bliss in a house with a white picket fence. When I initially read the post I agreed with her. I was irritated for many of the same reasons that she was- that this was not a reality for all women. And while I am still irritated because of that, as I thought more about it I became irritated for another reason.  so let’s just get into it. 

first, marriage is not a reality for all women. For whatever reason for some women this is not something they experience in this life. Are we to believe that if you don’t find and marry prince charming that somehow your faithfulness and obedience are in question? Should we encourage these women to doubt themselves, their hard work, and even self worth because the fairytale we have envisioned for them has not come true. I say no. No for a number of reasons- but specifically because it is not our place to pass that judgement. I love the quote from Elder Jeffery R. Holland that states “"Some bles?sings come soon. Some come late. And some do not come until Heaven. But for those who embrace the Gospel of Jesus Christ, they come.”. Why not rejoice in the lives these women lead? Why are their accomplishments somehow less worthy of celebration- they arent. Few of us end up living the fairytale life we envisioned as children, why not embrace what we have, the joys and the sorrows of the lives we lead instead of dwelling on the life we wish we had. 

Second, this is the part that really irritates me. Why do we tell our girls that marriage is the end instead of the beginning of something new Why so often do we say that she was married “happily ever after” or act as if getting married and having kids is always going to be perfect. Why not tell them that life, marriage, and motherhood will be challenging, but those challenges are what help turn them into better people. I have often heard women my age say things like “well I didn't think it would be like this” or “no one told me life would be this hard”. Instead of painting a two dimensional picture of perfection why don't we tell them the rest. Why don't we tell them about the dwindling bank accounts, the burnt dinners, the sacrifices to get the careers off the ground (whether they be their careers or the husbands), the kids that talk back, the tears cried over wayward children, the struggles with infertility, the arguments, the fights with inlaws, the lost jobs, the unforeseen illnesses, the never ending piles of laundry, the frustration over parenting a two year old, and all the sleepless nights. Why dont we tell them that these struggles make all the good things worth it. Why don't we tell them that that no matter how faithful they are there will be bumps in the road and things that don’t work out as they should.  One of my favorite scriptures is  

2 Nephi 2:11 it says For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my firstborn in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility.

Ther’s my two cents- paint a picture of reality, maybe a slightly rose colored version, but still reality. Tell them the truth- marriage, parenthood, and life are hard. We will all struggle, we will all face moments in our lives when we question how we ended up where we are or why no one told us it would be that tough, but the reality it that is life. That is how we learn and grow, without those struggles life would be flat, boring, and we wouldn't be able to appreciate all the good things- like a full night’s rest, or a child’s smile, or dare I say 15 seconds of silence.