The Terrible Threes are the Best

Three is my least favorite age so far. I thought it would be two, but no, it's three. Three was bad with Michael, but Zach has taken it to a whole new level. I think three is the worst because you are trying to negotiate with a little terrorist. They are holding you and your sanity hostage. There is NO logic. And they are big enough to have opinions, and use their words, but they are still insane. They also have preferences, and while I love that my kids know how to hold their own, I cannot for the life of me figure out why they insist on holding their own with stupid crap like putting their underwear on backwards or needing the green fork. It is just so stupid- seriously I'm almost laugh crying thinking about it.

So why is Zach going to push me over the edge? Well if you haven't met Zach let me just say he is one tough cookie. Zach is tough (super tough) and stubborn. If you yell at him (which sadly happens often in our house, usually over the bathroom) he will put his hands on his hips and stand his ground. Zach cannot be bribed or bent to anyone's will. This means there is almost no punishment or rewards system that works for him. Usually he wants to behave, but occasionally (ok hourly) he opts not to, and nothing will make him change. It also means that unless he wants to do something it's not going to happen... like pooping in the toilet. This means I spend a lot of time literally ripping my hair out because we are having insane arguments about pooping in the toilet (with a pullup with a hole, this is literally the dumbest thing I have ever heard), sleeping in a tipped over tent instead of his bed, reading a book in a random order, putting 17 dinosaurs to "bed" in the sink, "riding" the banister like a donkey, asking why he has taken his t shirt off while I pay for the groceries, or why as soon as I put his shoes on he takes them off and eats them.  It's like living with an insane person, except it's me that is slowly going crazy.  Just writing about Zach makes me want to laugh/cry like a crazy person. Clearly I need to go eat my feelings... well maybe not, but I think my sugar consumption has increased greatly since he turned 3.

I think I've read a thousand (ok maybe not a thousand) articles about dealing with the terrible threes. And they say things and by things I mean crap that would NEVER work with this kid. Some things worked with Michael but stuff like "touch your three year old many times per day"... no. First off, he hates to be touched, and second he would probably bite/kick/ hit me super hard. And other tips like "get a behavior sticker chart", Zach's actual reaction was to 1. eat the stickers (to be annoying), 2. say Mom "stickers are stupid". I agree son. I will say Zach being three has really made me dread Grace turning 3, like so much that every day I think, please dont turn evil! So my new plan... survival, that is what ice cream is for.  He won't be three forever. Plus his stubbornness, creativity, and drive will probably help make him into a world renowned surgeon, lawyer, or engineer... right... Plus let's be honest, when he isnt being terrible he is super fun.