Totally Daunting, but Totally Worth It

I think it’s fascinating how we evolve over time as parents. Not just our parenting style, but that we as people change when we become parents. When Brian and I had Michael we were… well really really uptight. We had our way of doing things and we thought we could meld our child to those ways… yeah that was baloney. Instead our child, 25+ years our junior has encouraged a bit of, well let’s tease ourselves and call it compromise. Things that we would have never dreamed of doing we do, situations we would have found ourselves horrified to be in have become commonplace, and surprisingly we are happy. 

The other night during dinner Brian picked up the remainder of Michael’s pizza and ate it, he turned to me and said “Did you ever imagine you would be eating after a kid?”. I have to say it is stuff like that that gave me the heebee gee bees before, and honestly I can’t really stomach eating after them, but has the thought crossed my mind when he wastes something I really like (pizza etc) yeah I admit it does. 

I also find myself doing things as a parent I never thought I would do- singing in the grocery story, dancing to kids music, dressing up like a pirate for a whole day, and and having favorite kids show or book (I’m partial to Franklin). These are the good things that I never knew about, but then there’s that whole other side of parenting, you know the disciplinary side, that I find myself participating in that I dont love. I think kids need rules and structure, and in order for us to be friends in this family it has to be strictly enforced, but sometimes I wish someone else was the enforcer and not us. I have found myself counting to three (seriously at this point I’m not entire sure I can count above 3) on an hourly basis, saying things like “if you spit at your brother one more time I’m going to give you a time out”, and yes on occasion (though we are working on it) raising my voice. before I had kids I had this well idiotic expectation that if I taught my kids the rules I wouldn't have to do this. That if I just loved them enough I wouldn't ever want to yell at them or put them in timeout, but that was wrong. Sadly, just explaining the rules isn't enough, some followthrough when the rules are broken, because they inevitably will be though I never thought this part through, is necessary. This is one of the many ways we teach them how to be responsible adults. And I dont love this side. The other day at swimming lessons (which are hilarious by the way) I found myself yelling at Michael. Swimming lessons had ended and we were leaving, I was holding Zach, the towel, and all the random papers the swimming people thrust into your hands thinking you desperately need while you are already struggling with all the stuff you brought and Michael decided he wasn't done swimming. I had nicely told him no we wouldn't be swimming we had to go home and make dinner and he looked at me and bolted for the pool. It was already a bit of a bad day, I had been to 3 stores to find the goggles the swimming people told us we needed (the night before), find goggles in august- the selection isn't great, in face they are really hard to find. One of the doors on my minivan wouldn't open (all of a sudden, that’s going to be expensive), it was dinnertime, I still had to go finish dinner. No one had napped, the whining was out of control, top that off with there not being any places to sit in the swimming area so I had just held a squirmy and sweating zach for 45 minutes (because the indoor pool is more humid than outside and probably just as hot). So we had that and then michael bolted… without a floatie. Michael is pretty comfortable in the water, maybe a bit too comfortable, needless to say he thinks his swim lessons are boring because they carry you as you “swim”. He went running for the pool and tried to jump in around oh 5 ftt. I tried to run after him, but remember the bags, the baby, and the pool area filled with people- yeah that didn't work. So I yelled. I yelled his name a few times and as he got to the edge he stopped, turned and looked at me and smiled. That was all the time I needed to grab him before he jumped in and had to be fished out, and there wasn't yelling after that, but the other swim lesson moms turned, looked at me horrified- how could I yell! I wanted to say “ladies, please, it was either yell or jump in…” but its things like that that I dont love about parenting, the judgement, the yelling, the frustration. 

Then there’s the evolution of us as parents. We started so uptight and have relaxed signifitantly. With Michael I followed him everywhere, handed him everything he needed, and tried to eliminate all potential frustrations. With Zach… not so much. Mostly because I am dealing with his high maintenance older brother (who in fairness I did make that way, why didn't i see that coming!?) but sorta because I want him to solve his own problems, develop flexibility and problem solving skills, and not have a screaming meltdown when he doesn't get his way (we are working on this for both our children, one is doing better than the other…). Zach has had more time to explore on his own than michael has, and I know some of it is his personality, but Zach is just… ok more than Michael was. It’s interesting also to see how so many of our fears with Michael havent carried over (as much). Other kids can touch Zach, and since he has a brother that wrestles him he’s cool with it and the other kids think it’s hilarious, if his stuff drops on the floor in a cleanish place he can have it right back without a sanitizing ritual, he hates baby food so he eats our food and i dont stress. It’s just funny to see how much more relaxed we are with Zachary. 

Oh parenting. It is definitely the hardest thing I have ever done. Forget pregnancy, forget labor (you get medicine for that), forget college, and work, this is the hardest thing. It is a 24/7 thing, they are entirely dependent on you (at some point), your influence is of paramount importance, and they trust you completely. Totally daunting, but totally worth it.