Just the One
*warning this post may be a more "personal" than others on this blog. Dont read if you can't handle it. Oh and you better count on it being disjointed.
Some days I think Mikey is lonely. I watch him play a game by himself or chase the cat around and I think he is probably lonely, probably wishes there was another kid around to play with. He has friends, we go to lots of social things with little kids, and Mikey might just be a little more social than some other kids, but every day he wakes up asking for "kids!". The other day I mentioned this to someone and they said the solution was to have another one. For a second after they said it (and I am sure it was a totally innocent comment) I felt like someone had slapped me in the face. My first reaction was to want to slug them in the stomach so they could see how it felt, and my second reaction was to want to say something like "hm... why didnt I think of that?[sarcastically of course]". My actual reaction was to get up and walk away, because I could see either of the two previous reactions becoming reality pretty quickly.
Having a second child isnt something we haven't already thought of, but for us it takes... a minute. When we were trying to have Michael I had a lot of time to ask why we weren't able to have a baby as quickly as we wanted, and finally after a lot of prayer and a lot of fasting I came to understand that all things will happen in the Lord's time. As a Latter-Day Saint I had heard this and understood the principle but until you experience it I don't think it really sinks in (maybe I am just hard headed). This time around I have gone into it knowing that Heavenly Father has a plan for us, that when and if we are supposed to add another child to our family we will be able to. While we were trying to have Michael there were days when I was angry, we had a plan for our life and things weren't going that way. But from this side of things everything worked out how it was supposed to. The "extra" time gave us a chance to prepare to be parents, it gave me the chance to go to grad school, for Brian to establish his career, and for me to have a career (albeit a short one)- all these things have helped us be better parents. When we found out we were going to have Michael I felt like we were ready, like that was when he was supposed to come, and that this was the time for me to be a mother. So for the moment I am trying not to be anxious as each month passes by and as the comments about having another one increase exponentially in frequency. I am trying to remember that few people have been let in close enough to have even part of the information, and that most people have good intentions even when their comments aren't always what I want to hear. I am trying to enjoy the moments that I have with Michael, he wont be little forever, and some day, maybe not tomorrow, I may not have so much time to spend with him. But mostly I am trying to remember, and this is actually easy, to count my blessing and enjoy life, because life is good!
Some days I think Mikey is lonely. I watch him play a game by himself or chase the cat around and I think he is probably lonely, probably wishes there was another kid around to play with. He has friends, we go to lots of social things with little kids, and Mikey might just be a little more social than some other kids, but every day he wakes up asking for "kids!". The other day I mentioned this to someone and they said the solution was to have another one. For a second after they said it (and I am sure it was a totally innocent comment) I felt like someone had slapped me in the face. My first reaction was to want to slug them in the stomach so they could see how it felt, and my second reaction was to want to say something like "hm... why didnt I think of that?[sarcastically of course]". My actual reaction was to get up and walk away, because I could see either of the two previous reactions becoming reality pretty quickly.
Having a second child isnt something we haven't already thought of, but for us it takes... a minute. When we were trying to have Michael I had a lot of time to ask why we weren't able to have a baby as quickly as we wanted, and finally after a lot of prayer and a lot of fasting I came to understand that all things will happen in the Lord's time. As a Latter-Day Saint I had heard this and understood the principle but until you experience it I don't think it really sinks in (maybe I am just hard headed). This time around I have gone into it knowing that Heavenly Father has a plan for us, that when and if we are supposed to add another child to our family we will be able to. While we were trying to have Michael there were days when I was angry, we had a plan for our life and things weren't going that way. But from this side of things everything worked out how it was supposed to. The "extra" time gave us a chance to prepare to be parents, it gave me the chance to go to grad school, for Brian to establish his career, and for me to have a career (albeit a short one)- all these things have helped us be better parents. When we found out we were going to have Michael I felt like we were ready, like that was when he was supposed to come, and that this was the time for me to be a mother. So for the moment I am trying not to be anxious as each month passes by and as the comments about having another one increase exponentially in frequency. I am trying to remember that few people have been let in close enough to have even part of the information, and that most people have good intentions even when their comments aren't always what I want to hear. I am trying to enjoy the moments that I have with Michael, he wont be little forever, and some day, maybe not tomorrow, I may not have so much time to spend with him. But mostly I am trying to remember, and this is actually easy, to count my blessing and enjoy life, because life is good!
Don't worry; next time I'll beat them up for you. (And so, so sorry if it was me...)
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