Anxiety... agh!
I really do not like talking to people I don't know... especially on the phone, that's the worst. But in general talking to people I don't know... yeah it gives me anxiety. I am not one of those people that is able to go up to someone and say, "Hey how's it going, let's be friends!" If I do happen to do that, I have either lost my head or am about to throw up. So being new, well that is just like one big anxiety attack waiting to happen.
When we first moved to Austin we didn't know anyone and I joined a group called MOMS Club. They are an international organization of mothers that get together and basically form a community and offer support (MOMS stands for Moms Offering Moms Support). At first I was a little embarrassed... Seriously I had to join a club to make friends? But then I accepted it, and within a few months I was on the executive board. And then the hard part came, being on the board meant I had to talk to new people. Not only did I have to talk to new people but I had to welcome new people. For the first few months I wanted to throw up at every activity. I was still new, and now... now I had to welcome the even newer people. But it got easier. Slowly, ever so slowly it has gotten easier. Now I no longer want to throw up (as much), I just have a racing heart and sweaty palms. It makes me wonder how I ever went on a date.
And Relief Society... that's kinda the worst. Since I'm new I sit alone... a lot. Before we moved this bothered me quite a bit, but since we have moved again (December) it bothers me less. Now I think to myself, "Self, other people probably have the same anxiety you have. Instead of waiting for someone to talk to you, go talk to someone!" So I've tried this. It also helps that we were in the member missionary Sunday School class for a few weeks (well mostly Brian, we have a 15 month old, church is... not great for learning these days). But on one of the rare occasions I was in class they talked about being a ward prepared for new members. And as we discussed what that meant, it got me thinking. Sure we are new, but given the area we live in, new people are moving in all the time (no joke, I think they have announced a new family every sunday we have been there... which has been since Christmas). So instead of waiting, I've tried to talk to new people. It's very often a fail, sometimes I can't work up the nerve to actually talk to someone (I know Dad, what the heck is my problem), and sometimes I say insane things and the person stays far far away from then on, but I'm trying and it is getting ever so slightly easier.
But both of these situations have made me consider that I'm not the only one that goes into a new place or situation and feels left out, out of place, or just awkward (though let's all admit that I have my (very) awkward moments). Sometimes in these new situations I feel like I need a life preserver, I need someone to throw me a rope and help me to keep from sinking, and honestly I'm probably not the only one. Several years ago a new family moved into our ward in Wylie. My sister in law met the wife on a visit to our ward (totally random) and told me I should be her friend. I shrugged it off, but a few months later I met her at the pool and I had a feeling (well a prompting I think) that I should reach out to her. This time I put on my big girl pants and I did it. And it turns out that she was also looking for a friend too. So now, I have tried to do that (every once and awhile). It doesn't usually result in anything, and I don't expect to develop the kind of friendship I did with this particular friend very often, but I keep thinking, what if one of these times, a simple hello or an invitation to the park is the life preserver that person needs. What if they are feeling lonely, stranded, and sinking, and what they need is a (crazy) person to say "Hey come sit over here!" or "Hey I was heading to the park, just thought you might be interested!". Maybe it doesn't matter, and maybe no one will care, but at the very least I am growing, and that matters too.
When we first moved to Austin we didn't know anyone and I joined a group called MOMS Club. They are an international organization of mothers that get together and basically form a community and offer support (MOMS stands for Moms Offering Moms Support). At first I was a little embarrassed... Seriously I had to join a club to make friends? But then I accepted it, and within a few months I was on the executive board. And then the hard part came, being on the board meant I had to talk to new people. Not only did I have to talk to new people but I had to welcome new people. For the first few months I wanted to throw up at every activity. I was still new, and now... now I had to welcome the even newer people. But it got easier. Slowly, ever so slowly it has gotten easier. Now I no longer want to throw up (as much), I just have a racing heart and sweaty palms. It makes me wonder how I ever went on a date.
And Relief Society... that's kinda the worst. Since I'm new I sit alone... a lot. Before we moved this bothered me quite a bit, but since we have moved again (December) it bothers me less. Now I think to myself, "Self, other people probably have the same anxiety you have. Instead of waiting for someone to talk to you, go talk to someone!" So I've tried this. It also helps that we were in the member missionary Sunday School class for a few weeks (well mostly Brian, we have a 15 month old, church is... not great for learning these days). But on one of the rare occasions I was in class they talked about being a ward prepared for new members. And as we discussed what that meant, it got me thinking. Sure we are new, but given the area we live in, new people are moving in all the time (no joke, I think they have announced a new family every sunday we have been there... which has been since Christmas). So instead of waiting, I've tried to talk to new people. It's very often a fail, sometimes I can't work up the nerve to actually talk to someone (I know Dad, what the heck is my problem), and sometimes I say insane things and the person stays far far away from then on, but I'm trying and it is getting ever so slightly easier.
But both of these situations have made me consider that I'm not the only one that goes into a new place or situation and feels left out, out of place, or just awkward (though let's all admit that I have my (very) awkward moments). Sometimes in these new situations I feel like I need a life preserver, I need someone to throw me a rope and help me to keep from sinking, and honestly I'm probably not the only one. Several years ago a new family moved into our ward in Wylie. My sister in law met the wife on a visit to our ward (totally random) and told me I should be her friend. I shrugged it off, but a few months later I met her at the pool and I had a feeling (well a prompting I think) that I should reach out to her. This time I put on my big girl pants and I did it. And it turns out that she was also looking for a friend too. So now, I have tried to do that (every once and awhile). It doesn't usually result in anything, and I don't expect to develop the kind of friendship I did with this particular friend very often, but I keep thinking, what if one of these times, a simple hello or an invitation to the park is the life preserver that person needs. What if they are feeling lonely, stranded, and sinking, and what they need is a (crazy) person to say "Hey come sit over here!" or "Hey I was heading to the park, just thought you might be interested!". Maybe it doesn't matter, and maybe no one will care, but at the very least I am growing, and that matters too.
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