Bedtime for Michael

I have posted about Michael's sleep habits more times than I can count at this point. And I apologize for all of you out there (so emily) that are sick of hearing about it. Michael's sleep habits, or lack there of consume a lot of time and energy in our family.  Michael is one of those people that does not like to sleep. I guess that works ok when you are an adult, well at least you are the one that primarily deals with the results of those choices, but when you are 2 not only does it have an impact on others, but your poor little body cannot handle it.

I read a blogpost about a mother that had finally decided to sleep train her child. She had spent years playing musical beds and doing whatever she could to get the child to sleep without success. She admitted to feeling ashamed for what she perceived to be a failure of parenting. I feel like this every day. Every day that Michael skips a nap, falls asleep around 10, or freaks out when we leave the room, I feel a little bit like we have failed.  I feel like we have done what we should, but that we have lots of strong personalities battling each other and bedtime is the battle we have all chosen to stand and fight.

We have a bedtime routine at our house (more on that in a bit) so it isn't like we play the game that the kids get to stay up as long as they like and sleep where they drop- though I have met families like that and for some of them it seems to work ok (we are not one of those families where it would work even a little bit). We go potty, brush teeth, read scriptures, say prayers, do a story (or 5) and then go to bed. We do this at relatively the same time every night- somewhere between 7 and 745pm. We have few lights on, don't scream, try and keep things calm... but it has little impact on Michael. We do the same thing at naps, we have a routine, we generally stick to it, but the results are mixed at best. It is like Michael can will himself to stay awake forever. This in turn makes us (the parents) feel a bit like he is using sleep deprivation to torture us, we want to give up the information so we can sleep but we don't know what it is! Michael is a little ball of energy, at the first sign of fatigue he amps up the energy level- when he finally does sleep it is because he is just exhausted.

Zachary is a little bit different. He doesn't fight sleep nearly as much as his brother.  as a "for instance": today at the grocery store he was tired... so tired, his little eyes were closing, he was trying to lean forward and go to sleep, and he was out before I finished buckling him in his carseat. He seems to understand the importance of sleep. he also doesn't take nearly as long to fall asleep as Michael did at this age. Michael always thinks he is missing something, he can't sleep for fear he will miss something- Zach will just catch up later.

I think our parenting has also evolved- with Michael we tried everything to make him sleep, I think we were new parents, less busy, and just desperate for a few quiet minutes. His bedtime routine, come to think of it so many things about him, are so time consuming and involved. Part of it is his personalty- he is very particular and so smart, and he doesn't forget... anything, combine that with us trying to placate him things are complicated. With Zach... we wrap him, give him his puppy, and his pacifier and he works the rest out. We comfort him when he cries, but it usually consists of putting the pacifier back in, finding the puppy that he threw, and leaving him alone- so wonderful. Zach can self soothe, Michael had a rough time with it at that age, Michael still has a rough time with it. Part of me thinks Zach is just more independent because he has to be, but part of it is just Zach is just a mellow little crazy man. Zach can let things go, he seems to have less anxiety than Michael did.

So too that mother that felt like a failure- i feel your pain. I hate bedtime. I actually hate it, I hate the battle, the crying, the guilt. Someday I will find a solution and just laugh at all the time we spent battling (to some extent we have had that experience with Zachary). But for the moment, we will keep on keeping on and enjoy the differences between these two kids.

To be fair the crazy bedtime has had its' perks- we have spents hours and hours reading and talking with Michael. We have taught him songs, let him tell stories, and gotten to hear his little imagination run wild. Some day he will be big and he will just chill out and sleep, and we will look back on this as a minor and insignificant problem, but for now... well for now like I said we will keep on keeping on.