Helicopter Parenting
I will be the first to admit that in some instances I am a helicopter parent. I like to know where my kids are and what they are doing, we spend most days in the same general area, I don't like Michael to watch shows alone (I am in the room/area), and I use a baby monitor for Zach at night. Lots of people would think this is helicopter parenting, and I'm sure by the time we are on our third kid I would have relaxed a bit more- I have relaxed significantly since having Zach. But I like my kids to have some freedom, some time explore, yell, and just be kids without me hovering over them choreographing their every move.
Since moving to Austin I've noticed that parenting is a competitive sport and that helicopter parenting is heavily encouraged- not only as it relates to the academic performance of a child- and yes moms seem to compete over the performance of their two year olds (how many words can they say, what extracurriculars are they in, THEY ARE 2!). When we lived in Dallas we participated in a few playgroups and kid activities, and moms seemed to give their kids space. It was totally acceptable to let your two year old explore the park without you holding their hand, following them, or being within arms reach of them- here not so much. In dallas moms would sit on the bench and watch, they knew where their child was, were able to assist if a problem occurred, but weren't there brushing the wood chips off the stairs for fear jr would slip. At playgroups moms chatted while children played with EACH other. Here... moms follow kids all over the park, they have a backpack with snacks and beverages ready in case the child gets famished on the walk to slide, they go to playgroup and play with their child, referee any interaction their child has with others, save toys, swings, slides, etc. This has been rough for me, it seems... well ridiculous. Why seek out a playdate with other children when you are going to play with your child- stay home and do that. Why not let the kids fight their own battles, I'm not encouraging fighting, but children have to learn to work it out amongst themselves- their kindergarten teacher can't mediate every disagreement over paste and crayons, their soccer coach can referee every time sally looks at billy- why not make these peoples' jobs just a bit easier and let your child learn to resolve their own conflicts. There are times when a mom needs to step in and referee but sometimes watching from a distance is well... better. I've noticed that here if you don't step in immediately, hold your child's hand the entire time you are at the park, or stay within 6 inches of them you are a bad parent. I almost want to laugh. When I was in grad school I was a TA, every once in awhile a parent would call and discuss their child's grade, plead for points, tell me that sally mae was the best student ever, and I would politely tell them "so sorry but this is college I can't discuss your child's grade with you" this is what is going to happen to the kids in the park. Mommy and Daddy will have to go to college with them, chat with those mean TAs, eventually those mean bosses because as we all know Sally Sue is brilliant, just misunderstood- AHHH! give your kid some space. Sit down, read a book, glance up and check on them, relax... just please please let them alone for a second.
On a related note. Michael plays in the backyard alone. Our backdoor stays open all day and he comes and goes as he pleases- I spend most of the day in the kitchen and living room which look out into the yard so we are always within talking distance. But the other day I was making dinner and he started screaming. I ran out and he was playing diggers in a fire ant hill. he had been warned many many times not to touch them, brian had thought he had gotten all the mounds, but one escaped. He knew what he was doing but kept doing it and... wow they got him. It was so sad. He looked like he had chicken pox on one arm- there must have been 20 bites. If I was a better mom he wouldn't have been there playing in them, but I hope he learned his lesson... probably not.
Since moving to Austin I've noticed that parenting is a competitive sport and that helicopter parenting is heavily encouraged- not only as it relates to the academic performance of a child- and yes moms seem to compete over the performance of their two year olds (how many words can they say, what extracurriculars are they in, THEY ARE 2!). When we lived in Dallas we participated in a few playgroups and kid activities, and moms seemed to give their kids space. It was totally acceptable to let your two year old explore the park without you holding their hand, following them, or being within arms reach of them- here not so much. In dallas moms would sit on the bench and watch, they knew where their child was, were able to assist if a problem occurred, but weren't there brushing the wood chips off the stairs for fear jr would slip. At playgroups moms chatted while children played with EACH other. Here... moms follow kids all over the park, they have a backpack with snacks and beverages ready in case the child gets famished on the walk to slide, they go to playgroup and play with their child, referee any interaction their child has with others, save toys, swings, slides, etc. This has been rough for me, it seems... well ridiculous. Why seek out a playdate with other children when you are going to play with your child- stay home and do that. Why not let the kids fight their own battles, I'm not encouraging fighting, but children have to learn to work it out amongst themselves- their kindergarten teacher can't mediate every disagreement over paste and crayons, their soccer coach can referee every time sally looks at billy- why not make these peoples' jobs just a bit easier and let your child learn to resolve their own conflicts. There are times when a mom needs to step in and referee but sometimes watching from a distance is well... better. I've noticed that here if you don't step in immediately, hold your child's hand the entire time you are at the park, or stay within 6 inches of them you are a bad parent. I almost want to laugh. When I was in grad school I was a TA, every once in awhile a parent would call and discuss their child's grade, plead for points, tell me that sally mae was the best student ever, and I would politely tell them "so sorry but this is college I can't discuss your child's grade with you" this is what is going to happen to the kids in the park. Mommy and Daddy will have to go to college with them, chat with those mean TAs, eventually those mean bosses because as we all know Sally Sue is brilliant, just misunderstood- AHHH! give your kid some space. Sit down, read a book, glance up and check on them, relax... just please please let them alone for a second.
On a related note. Michael plays in the backyard alone. Our backdoor stays open all day and he comes and goes as he pleases- I spend most of the day in the kitchen and living room which look out into the yard so we are always within talking distance. But the other day I was making dinner and he started screaming. I ran out and he was playing diggers in a fire ant hill. he had been warned many many times not to touch them, brian had thought he had gotten all the mounds, but one escaped. He knew what he was doing but kept doing it and... wow they got him. It was so sad. He looked like he had chicken pox on one arm- there must have been 20 bites. If I was a better mom he wouldn't have been there playing in them, but I hope he learned his lesson... probably not.
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